Thank You for the Cages

Katie from Tomahawk and 25 of her gifted peers spent a day in January with me focusing on self-advocacy - creating their learner profiles and plotting their unique paths to graduation.  We also took time to vent some frustrations.

Thank you, Katie, for sharing your heartfelt and provocative insights.

Thank You for the Cages.

There was once a time

When there were no cages.

Society said I was too smart,

And led me down a sticky-sweet road

Into gleefully agreeing to be chained

To kids I didn’t know,

Who had already sewn together

Friendships and cliques

And I was an awkward, missing button.

Intelligence.

Thank you for the cage.

It was once wonderful

To be strong and unique,

To live in my own way.

Society injected the wicked serum

Of sameness

Into the students pulsing toward middle school

I was quarantined, and stayed different.

I didn’t want the sameness

Until it was too late.

Once again alone.

Uniqueness.

Thank you for the cage.

I was once free to frolic

To play, and enjoy all things movement.

Society snapped up the kids,

All but me, the odd one out,

And sorted them like packages

Into endless rounds of sports,

Demanding and competitive.

I was thrown into the group

Of the few kids who hadn’t chosen sports

At age seven

Because I simply hadn’t wanted to.

And now it was too late.

Individuality.

Thank you for the cage.

I once felt the joy of difference,

Tasted the nectar of being admired and different.

My un-sameness attracted attention,

Earning me friends and enjoyment.

But my weirdness became repetitive and annoying,

An old sideshow everyone’s already seen

And moved on to the next novelty,

Leaving me alone with my new identity

And no friends.

Small ways to vent my wayward thoughts

Could not replace the companions I thought were mine.

Creativity.

Thank you for the cage.

I had no choice but to be alone.

But I learned to enjoy it.

I soon learned that this was acceptable.

Isolation, any weak ties to others severed,

A lone, roaming island.

I relished my freedom, my flexibility

Which so many others seemed to crave.

I accepted my lone wolf status.

Others did not.

“People are talking behind your back”.

I scraped some adequate social behavior from the bottom

Of a box of nuts and bolts,

People who had been rejected like me,

But not for my reasons,

For I was still a misfit among the forgotten.

I was restricted, and still no happier.

Because there is no one.

Because I was the one who stepped into

The cages I was given

Society, thank you for the cages.

Now I just need the keys

Probably twirling lazily on the finger

Of someone who doesn’t exist,

And not a person in the world

Will help me find it

Because I am

My own person

And all that gets me is a lot of cages.

The Butterfly Effect

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2013: A Year of Celebration

This year marks two milestones in Wisconsin’s gifted history:

·      40 years ago the Wisconsin Council for Gifted and Talented was formed, our first state advocacy organization.

·      20 years ago Wisconsin parents and educators joined their separate advocacy groups to form the Wisconsin Association for Talented and Gifted.

We are thrilled to be working with archivists at the Wisconsin Historical Society to preserve our history.  Our “History Hunters,” a group of Wisconsin gifted education pioneers, are collecting and recollecting the stories of our work.

As I listen to their tales of struggle from 40 years ago I’m saddened that the same struggles exist today.  Yet I’m also encouraged.  For I remember that it was they and their efforts that made all the difference for my own kids over 25 years ago. And it was their voices I heard and responded to, their research I relied on and their organization that supported me when I began my own professional journey into gifted education.

I’m reminded of the butterfly effect: What may have begun with just one small flutter of wings in 1973 changed the history of gifted education in Wisconsin.   It also changed my life and my children’s lives . . . and no doubt the lives of thousands of others throughout the years and throughout the world.

And what about the future?  Rather than feeling disheartened by the struggles that lie ahead, I’m energized.   For today we parents and educators continue to work together for the sake of our gifted children.  We have successes; we have failures.  But I believe those seemingly small steps we take each day for the sake of one child . . . those little wing flutters in the Wisconsin wilderness . . . will also impact lives around the world.

We stand on the shoulders (or maybe we fly on the wings?) of some very wise and wonderful people.

Introvert or Highly Sensitive?

Here's an interesting article by Leslie Sword, Gifted and Creative Services Australia.

The Gifted Introvert

And it's found on a fascinating website, part of a large group of websites focusing on giftedness, created and edited by Douglas Eby.  
Check out Talent Development Resources.  

So much to read, 
so much to see, 
so much to learn . . . so little time!

Talent Factories

Check out this YouTube video.

Dylan William on Remodeling Schools into Talent Factories

 

Comparing academics to sports isn't new to advocates for gifted kids, but William's comments are a good indication that those outside the field also recognize the inequity.    

 

I'm not sure where it came from, but the decades old story told by educators of the gifted goes something like this:

 

So I walked into my high school principal's office and asked for a few minutes of his time.  "I'd like you to consider this proposal," I said.  

 

"I'd like to select a handful of our best students and allow them to work together with specialists in their talent area for 3 or 4 hours each day. Then they could interact with other students with similar interests and abilities. The adults would be good role models, experts who could work individually with the students, perfecting their skills, making sure each is appropriately challenged."

 

"We'll need a big part of the school building for our program.  And lots of specialized equipment.  Probably a budget of $500,000 a year or more."

 

"I'd also like the kids to go to other schools several times a week to interact with and learn from kids just like them.  We'd need busing and chaperones, of course.  And also school logo clothing for each of them would be nice, just to show that we're proud of them and want others to know they're from our school."

 

"As a matter of fact, I think this selection process should begin in elementary school where we'll identify the most promising students and provide year-round programming for them, including summer camps and after school lessons.  That way, by the time they reach high school they will truly be our best and our brightest."

 

"Are you crazy?" he said.  "That would be elitist."

 

"No," I said.  "That would be our athletic program."

 

Go! Fight! Win!
BIG THINKERS

Adult Self-Advocacy

Another take on the importance of speaking up . . . 
of self-advocacy throughout our lives.

From the New York Times:

How to Attack the Gender Wage Gap? Speak Up

 

OE: How Parents Can Help

Parents in Oconomowoc asked what they could do to help their children understand, accept and celebrate their overexcitabilities.

Here's one perspective from SENG.  I've summarized it but you can read the entire article by Sharon Lind on the SENG website here.

HOW PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR OE CHILDREN

 

(It's good to remember that OE people living with other OE people often have more compassion and understanding for each other, but may feel conflicts when their OEs are not to the same degree.)

Discuss the concept of overexcitability

Share the descriptions of OEs.  Ask individuals if they see themselves with some of the characteristics. Point out that being OE is OK and it is understood and accepted.

Focus on the positives

Discuss the positives of each OE. Benefits include being energetic, enthusiastic, sensual, aesthetic, curious, loyal, tenacious, moral, metacognitive, integrative, creative, metaphorical, dramatic, poetic, compassion-ate, empathetic, and self-aware.

Cherish and celebrate diversity

• OE is just one more description of who they are, as is being tall, or Asian, or left-handed. Since OEs are inborn traits, they cannot be unlearned!
• Provide opportunities for people to pursue their passions. This shows respect for their abilities and intensities and allows time for them to “wallow” in what they love, to be validated for who they are.
• Removing passions as consequences for inappropriate behavior has a negative effect by giving the message that your passions, the essence of who you are, are not valuable or worthy of respect.

Use and teach clear verbal and nonverbal communication skills

Verbal-listening, responding, questioning, telephoning, problem solving, and nonverbal-rhythm and use of time, interpersonal distance and touch, gestures and postures, facial expressions, tone of voice, and style of dress.

Verbal and nonverbal strategies improve interpersonal communication and provide the skills individuals need to fit in when they wish to, to change the system if necessary, and to treat others with caring and respect.

Teach stress management from from toddlerhood on

OE individuals have increased stress reactions because of their increased reception of and reaction to external input.

key components:

• learn to identify your stress symptoms: headache, backache, pencil tapping, pacing, etc.
• develop strategies for coping with stress: talk about your feelings, do relaxation exercises, change your diet, exercise, meditate, ask for help, develop organizational and time management skills and
• develop strategies to prevent stress: make time for fun; develop a cadre of people to help, advise, humor you; practice tolerance of your own and others’ imperfections.

Create a comforting environment whenever possible

Intense people need to know how to make their environment more comfortable in order to create places for retreat or safety.

For example:

                              * find places to work or think which are not distracting,

* work in a quiet or calm environment,

* listen to music,

* look at a lovely picture

* carry a comforting item

* move while working

* wear clothing that does not scratch or cling.

Learning to finesse one’s environment to meet one’s needs takes experimentation and cooperation from others, but the outcome will be a greater sense of well-being and improved productivity.

Help to raise awareness of behaviors and their impact on others

Paradoxically, OE people are often insensitive and unaware of how their behaviors affect others. They may assume that everyone will just understand why they interrupt to share an important idea, or tune out when creating a short story in their head during dinner.

Teach children

·      to be responsible for their behaviors,

·      to become more aware of how their behaviors affect others

·      to understand that their needs are not more important than those of others.

Remember the joy

Often when OE is discussed examples and concerns are mostly negative. Remember that being overexcitable also brings with it great joy, astonishment, beauty, compassion, and creativity. Perhaps the most important thing is to acknowledge and relish the uniqueness of an OE child or adult.

OE in Oconomowoc

Tonight I have the privilege of speaking with parents in Oconomowoc Wisconsin.  Intensities of gifted children is one of the things they're interested in discussing.  So for ease of reference, here are . . .

some of my favorite quotes:

Annemarie Roeper: "Giftedness is a greater awareness, a greater sensitivity, and a greater ability to understand and transform perceptions into imtellectual and emotional experiences."

Michael Piechowski:  "The purpose of this book (Mellow Out, They Say, If I Only Could)  is to give voice to the emotional life of bright young people, to show how their intensities and sensitivities make them more alive, more creative, and more in love with the world and its wonders."

Pearl Buck:  “The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.   Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create -- so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

and some of the links I've found helpful in understanding overexcitabilities:

http://www.mellowout.us/pubs.html
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowski.htm
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10694.aspx  
http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/overexcite.htm 
http://talentdevelop.com/articles/OIGC.html
http://www.rocamora.org/publications/self-tests/common-characteristics-of-giftedness-self-test