Introvert or Highly Sensitive?

Here's an interesting article by Leslie Sword, Gifted and Creative Services Australia.

The Gifted Introvert

And it's found on a fascinating website, part of a large group of websites focusing on giftedness, created and edited by Douglas Eby.  
Check out Talent Development Resources.  

So much to read, 
so much to see, 
so much to learn . . . so little time!

OE: How Parents Can Help

Parents in Oconomowoc asked what they could do to help their children understand, accept and celebrate their overexcitabilities.

Here's one perspective from SENG.  I've summarized it but you can read the entire article by Sharon Lind on the SENG website here.

HOW PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR OE CHILDREN

 

(It's good to remember that OE people living with other OE people often have more compassion and understanding for each other, but may feel conflicts when their OEs are not to the same degree.)

Discuss the concept of overexcitability

Share the descriptions of OEs.  Ask individuals if they see themselves with some of the characteristics. Point out that being OE is OK and it is understood and accepted.

Focus on the positives

Discuss the positives of each OE. Benefits include being energetic, enthusiastic, sensual, aesthetic, curious, loyal, tenacious, moral, metacognitive, integrative, creative, metaphorical, dramatic, poetic, compassion-ate, empathetic, and self-aware.

Cherish and celebrate diversity

• OE is just one more description of who they are, as is being tall, or Asian, or left-handed. Since OEs are inborn traits, they cannot be unlearned!
• Provide opportunities for people to pursue their passions. This shows respect for their abilities and intensities and allows time for them to “wallow” in what they love, to be validated for who they are.
• Removing passions as consequences for inappropriate behavior has a negative effect by giving the message that your passions, the essence of who you are, are not valuable or worthy of respect.

Use and teach clear verbal and nonverbal communication skills

Verbal-listening, responding, questioning, telephoning, problem solving, and nonverbal-rhythm and use of time, interpersonal distance and touch, gestures and postures, facial expressions, tone of voice, and style of dress.

Verbal and nonverbal strategies improve interpersonal communication and provide the skills individuals need to fit in when they wish to, to change the system if necessary, and to treat others with caring and respect.

Teach stress management from from toddlerhood on

OE individuals have increased stress reactions because of their increased reception of and reaction to external input.

key components:

• learn to identify your stress symptoms: headache, backache, pencil tapping, pacing, etc.
• develop strategies for coping with stress: talk about your feelings, do relaxation exercises, change your diet, exercise, meditate, ask for help, develop organizational and time management skills and
• develop strategies to prevent stress: make time for fun; develop a cadre of people to help, advise, humor you; practice tolerance of your own and others’ imperfections.

Create a comforting environment whenever possible

Intense people need to know how to make their environment more comfortable in order to create places for retreat or safety.

For example:

                              * find places to work or think which are not distracting,

* work in a quiet or calm environment,

* listen to music,

* look at a lovely picture

* carry a comforting item

* move while working

* wear clothing that does not scratch or cling.

Learning to finesse one’s environment to meet one’s needs takes experimentation and cooperation from others, but the outcome will be a greater sense of well-being and improved productivity.

Help to raise awareness of behaviors and their impact on others

Paradoxically, OE people are often insensitive and unaware of how their behaviors affect others. They may assume that everyone will just understand why they interrupt to share an important idea, or tune out when creating a short story in their head during dinner.

Teach children

·      to be responsible for their behaviors,

·      to become more aware of how their behaviors affect others

·      to understand that their needs are not more important than those of others.

Remember the joy

Often when OE is discussed examples and concerns are mostly negative. Remember that being overexcitable also brings with it great joy, astonishment, beauty, compassion, and creativity. Perhaps the most important thing is to acknowledge and relish the uniqueness of an OE child or adult.

OE in Oconomowoc

Tonight I have the privilege of speaking with parents in Oconomowoc Wisconsin.  Intensities of gifted children is one of the things they're interested in discussing.  So for ease of reference, here are . . .

some of my favorite quotes:

Annemarie Roeper: "Giftedness is a greater awareness, a greater sensitivity, and a greater ability to understand and transform perceptions into imtellectual and emotional experiences."

Michael Piechowski:  "The purpose of this book (Mellow Out, They Say, If I Only Could)  is to give voice to the emotional life of bright young people, to show how their intensities and sensitivities make them more alive, more creative, and more in love with the world and its wonders."

Pearl Buck:  “The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.   Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create -- so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

and some of the links I've found helpful in understanding overexcitabilities:

http://www.mellowout.us/pubs.html
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowski.htm
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10694.aspx  
http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/overexcite.htm 
http://talentdevelop.com/articles/OIGC.html
http://www.rocamora.org/publications/self-tests/common-characteristics-of-giftedness-self-test

Gifted Intensity

Be sure to check out this wonderful parent blog on some unique characteristics of gifted kids.  Life with Intensity

I'm reminded of this from Jim Delisle's Once Upon a Mind . . . 

• Intensity of thought: Her mind is always whirring."
• Intensity of purpose: "Once he makes up his mind to do something, he's not satisfied until it's accomplished."
• Intensity of emotion: "She internalizes everyone anyone says about her."
• Intensity of spirit: "He's always looking out for someone less fortunate who needs help."
• Intensity of soul:  "She asks questions that philosophers have asked for centuries and gets upset when we can't give her definitive answers to them."

 

"The Watch"

Many, many years ago in a community not so far away we started a project called The Young Authors Anthology and invited all middle school students from several districts to submit their creative writing.  The GT coordinator from each district had 8 pages in the spiral-bound book to fill with their best student work.  The selected authors also attended a day-long retreat at the school forest where they expanded their writing skills in one of several workshops and shared their work at the end of the day.  

We began the small group sessions by asking students to turn to their page of the anthology and read their poem or story aloud.  And each year it was pretty much the same . . .  The first student would shyly say, "I didn't want to submit this, but my teacher made me"  or "This isn't very good, but I'll read it anyway" or something equally dismissive.  When they finished we'd all applaud and then I'd ask the others for comments or questions.  The most confident person would speak up: "I like the way you described that" or "Where'd you get that idea?" or "That reminds me of Emily Dickinson." By the time the third student began reading it was obvious they knew they were in the company of like-minded peers and were safe sharing their personal creative efforts.

Naturally most of the poetry submitted had a typical middle school theme -  love.  And usually, "I love you; why don't you love me anymore?"  But sometimes I was startled by the asynchrony of the young gifted writer's maturity, sensitivity, and passion for the language.  Wendy Lewellen Qualls is one of those authors and she's given me permission to share something she wrote in middle school.  



The Watch


Pounding, pounding, pounding
Like a chisel in my head,
The never-ending heartbeat 
Of a deity long-dead.

Each little tick and click
Sends a shiver down my spine
From the cruel incessant tocking
Of this pocket watch of mine.

Forever it is captor
And forever we are slaves,
From those toddling from their cradles
To those crawling to their graves.

As long as we're in motion
Then time will be the master
'Cause as fast as you can do it
Someone else can do it faster.

 
 

Aimless Love

I shared this poem with my young friend, a gifted artist.  His response?  How could Billy Collins know exactly how I feel?  One key to self-advocacy is connecting with others who have similar intensities . . . knowing that you may be an outlier, but you’re not alone out there!  

Aimless Love

This morning as I walked along the lakeshore,
I fell in love with a wren
and later in the day with a mouse
the cat had dropped under the dining room table.

In the shadows of an autumn evening,
I fell for a seamstress
still at her machine in the tailor’s window,
and later for a bowl of broth,
steam rising like smoke from a naval battle.

This is the best kind of love, I thought,
without recompense, without gifts,
or unkind words, without suspicion,
or silence on the telephone.

The love of the chestnut,
the jazz cap and one hand on the wheel.

No lust, no slam of the door –
the love of the miniature orange tree,
the clean white shirt, the hot evening shower,
the highway that cuts across Florida.

No waiting, no huffiness, or rancor –
just a twinge every now and then

for the wren who had built her nest
on a low branch overhanging the water
and for the dead mouse,
still dressed in its light brown suit.

But my heart is always propped up
in a field on its tripod,
ready for the next arrow.

After I carried the mouse by the tail
to a pile of leaves in the woods,
I found myself standing at the bathroom sink
gazing down affectionately at the soap,

so patient and soluble,
so at home in its pale green soap dish.
I could feel myself falling again
as I felt its turning in my wet hands
and caught the scent of lavender and stone.

~ Billy Collins ~

For more on intensities and sensitivities check out Michael Piechowski’s book, 'Mellow Out' They Say. If I Only Could   http://www.mellowout.us/

The Power of Standing Still

(I know it’s a bit of a risk including poetry here; it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.  But bear with me! A few words sometimes pack a powerful punch.)

Robert Frost wrote this poem to celebrate his daughter’s wedding, but to me it also illustrates the wonderful richness of intellectual gifts and the thrill of finding a kindred spirit.   

The Master Speed

No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you have speed far greater.  You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste,
That you may have the power of standing still--
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.

Finding a kindred spirit is one of the joys of bringing teens from different schools together to learn about self-advocacy.  As one student wrote:  "I wish that I could stay here forever.  I liked that I didn’t have to lower my vocabulary because everyone was just as smart as me.  This was a great experience because I felt like I have known these people FOREVER!"