OE: How Parents Can Help

Parents in Oconomowoc asked what they could do to help their children understand, accept and celebrate their overexcitabilities.

Here's one perspective from SENG.  I've summarized it but you can read the entire article by Sharon Lind on the SENG website here.

HOW PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR OE CHILDREN

 

(It's good to remember that OE people living with other OE people often have more compassion and understanding for each other, but may feel conflicts when their OEs are not to the same degree.)

Discuss the concept of overexcitability

Share the descriptions of OEs.  Ask individuals if they see themselves with some of the characteristics. Point out that being OE is OK and it is understood and accepted.

Focus on the positives

Discuss the positives of each OE. Benefits include being energetic, enthusiastic, sensual, aesthetic, curious, loyal, tenacious, moral, metacognitive, integrative, creative, metaphorical, dramatic, poetic, compassion-ate, empathetic, and self-aware.

Cherish and celebrate diversity

• OE is just one more description of who they are, as is being tall, or Asian, or left-handed. Since OEs are inborn traits, they cannot be unlearned!
• Provide opportunities for people to pursue their passions. This shows respect for their abilities and intensities and allows time for them to “wallow” in what they love, to be validated for who they are.
• Removing passions as consequences for inappropriate behavior has a negative effect by giving the message that your passions, the essence of who you are, are not valuable or worthy of respect.

Use and teach clear verbal and nonverbal communication skills

Verbal-listening, responding, questioning, telephoning, problem solving, and nonverbal-rhythm and use of time, interpersonal distance and touch, gestures and postures, facial expressions, tone of voice, and style of dress.

Verbal and nonverbal strategies improve interpersonal communication and provide the skills individuals need to fit in when they wish to, to change the system if necessary, and to treat others with caring and respect.

Teach stress management from from toddlerhood on

OE individuals have increased stress reactions because of their increased reception of and reaction to external input.

key components:

• learn to identify your stress symptoms: headache, backache, pencil tapping, pacing, etc.
• develop strategies for coping with stress: talk about your feelings, do relaxation exercises, change your diet, exercise, meditate, ask for help, develop organizational and time management skills and
• develop strategies to prevent stress: make time for fun; develop a cadre of people to help, advise, humor you; practice tolerance of your own and others’ imperfections.

Create a comforting environment whenever possible

Intense people need to know how to make their environment more comfortable in order to create places for retreat or safety.

For example:

                              * find places to work or think which are not distracting,

* work in a quiet or calm environment,

* listen to music,

* look at a lovely picture

* carry a comforting item

* move while working

* wear clothing that does not scratch or cling.

Learning to finesse one’s environment to meet one’s needs takes experimentation and cooperation from others, but the outcome will be a greater sense of well-being and improved productivity.

Help to raise awareness of behaviors and their impact on others

Paradoxically, OE people are often insensitive and unaware of how their behaviors affect others. They may assume that everyone will just understand why they interrupt to share an important idea, or tune out when creating a short story in their head during dinner.

Teach children

·      to be responsible for their behaviors,

·      to become more aware of how their behaviors affect others

·      to understand that their needs are not more important than those of others.

Remember the joy

Often when OE is discussed examples and concerns are mostly negative. Remember that being overexcitable also brings with it great joy, astonishment, beauty, compassion, and creativity. Perhaps the most important thing is to acknowledge and relish the uniqueness of an OE child or adult.

Gifted Intensity

Be sure to check out this wonderful parent blog on some unique characteristics of gifted kids.  Life with Intensity

I'm reminded of this from Jim Delisle's Once Upon a Mind . . . 

• Intensity of thought: Her mind is always whirring."
• Intensity of purpose: "Once he makes up his mind to do something, he's not satisfied until it's accomplished."
• Intensity of emotion: "She internalizes everyone anyone says about her."
• Intensity of spirit: "He's always looking out for someone less fortunate who needs help."
• Intensity of soul:  "She asks questions that philosophers have asked for centuries and gets upset when we can't give her definitive answers to them."

 

Should I tell my child she's gifted?

At the recent SENG conference in Milwaukee a father asked a heartfelt question, “Should I tell my child she's gifted?”

It’s something a lot of parents and teachers struggle with, but my answer is a resounding, “Yes!”  And when we talk to our kids about their exceptional abilities we must make it a long, complete, on-going conversation about what that means.   Remember the number one gripe of the gifted kids surveyed by Galbraith and Delisle?  "No one explains what being gifted is all about - it's kept a big secret."

So, yes, we must talk to our children about their giftedness. To paraphrase Carol Anne Tomlinson, if we pretend that all children are gifted, that all have the same abilities, then our children will think we're stupid.  They are well aware that they are different, but they often lack the self-reflection or even the vocabulary to describe the ways they feel different.

Here, in no particular order, are things we should include in that conversation:

• You are better at some things than others your age, but of course that doesn’t mean you’re better than they are.

• Being gifted is not what you do, but who you are. 

• Being gifted is not how well you do in school or what you become some day or what you can contribute to society, but a unique set of characteristics you will have for all your life.

•  There are many ways to be gifted and gifted people are not all alike.

• You have a combination of exceptional abilities; some are intellectual, academic, creative, artistic, or leadership gifts - a mixture that is different for every gifted person.

• You have definite strengths but you also have underdeveloped areas that need some work.

• Being gifted means you may often have different educational needs than some of your classmates.  Every brain needs to be challenged in order to grow and you can help your teachers and parents know when the challenge feels right, when it’s too tough and when it’s too easy.

• Because you’re gifted you may experience life very Intensely. You may have overexcitabilities (more here.) 

• Being gifted is a good thing. It doesn’t mean your life will always be easy, but it is part of what makes you uniquely wonderful.  

 
 

The Right Triangle

Welcome to Day 6 of the NPGC Blog Tour.

Today's topic: 

Advocacy for gifted children –

teaming with educators and legislators

If you're new to my blog, you might want to start with an overview of my vision - teaching gifted children to self-advocate.  You can also find more details in an article for parents and my 2004 action research summary from the Roeper Review.


By definition, self- advocacy is the process of recognizing and meeting the needs specific to your learning ability without compromising the dignity of yourself or others.

Yes, I believe wholeheartedly that students (and especially those who are outliers) must play a major role in making sure they have appropriately challenging and satisfying educational experiences.  No one knows better than they what is going on in their heads and hearts as they sit in class, walk the halls, complete assignments, interact with their peers and teachers.

Most gifted kids are not naturally adept at self-advocacy, however.  In fact, their naive attempts often can get them into trouble and it's best if we teach them specifically why and how they should speak up.  When students, parents and teachers work as advocacy partners they form a wonderfully right triangle.  The children are the foundation, leading the way, while the adults support them from all directions.  

I hope you'll browse through past entries, all geared toward self-advocacy in one way or another, and let me know if you find something that strikes a cord with you and your family.  And check out all the other NPGC Blog Tour sites.  

As I wrote when I started this adventure.  Too often, one voice sounds like whining; many voices sound like a cause.  There is great power in collaborative advocacy.  Together we do make a difference for the gifted people we know and love.

National Parenting Gifted Children Week

Let's celebrate!

Be sure to check out the blog tour here for a variety of perspectives on the joys and challenges of living with intense kids!

Stay tuned. Friday I get to add my 2 cents.

NUMATS Conferences

A surprising discovery . . . over half of the middle school students we honored last Saturday do not know if their school districts use their extraordinarily high scores on the ACT and SAT to match them to appropriately challenging academics.  Is it a lack of communication or an indication that educators are not actually using the scores - the whole point of kids taking out of level exams?

And from a self-advocacy standpoint, how can students make informed decisions if we don't give them all the information?

Several years ago I described how my district used the data.  I've excerpted a bit of it here, but the whole article, Post-NUMATS Meetings Build Partnerships, is on the WATG website.  

The needs of our brightest students can be best addressed when families and schools work together.  Thus, when the ACT, SAT and Explore results arrive in spring, it is important for students, parents/guardians, and educators to meet for individual conferences. These meetings can be initiated by anyone: parents, teachers, counselors, gifted education coordinators, or the students themselves as they seek to self-advocate.

Families come to the conference with many questions, of course. What was gained by participating? What do all the scores mean? What does the school plan to do with the data?  What can we do?  What should our child do? What’s next?  Educators can help by listening to concerns, offering suggestions, and providing resources.

During the conference, students can reflect on the testing experience, statistical summaries can be clarified, and appropriate educational options can be discussed.  These conversations help all NUMATS participants, no matter how well they scored, to understand their strengths and take charge of their own education.  

A Parent's Role

What can parents do to help their children self-advocate?

• Work in partnership with your child and the school
• Talk with your child about the steps to self-advocacy
• Help your child develop attributes of good character that are expected of every student  (For instance, being bored is no excuse for doing poor work!)

• Work hard
• Listen with interest
• Work well in a group 
• Be accurate
• Be neat
• Complete assignments
• Enjoy school and learning
• Be alert
• Be considerate
• Be organized

• Set up an appointment with the school counselor for you and your child to view and discuss the student’s permanent record.  What does it say about his or her learner profile?
• Check out state and district graduation requirements.  What’s optional? 
• Discover what opportunities are already available in your district.
• Focus on your child’s individual wants and needs and match them to the options.
• Ultimately, allow your children to make their own informed choices.  
• Support their decisions.

Parent Power

In order to speak up for themselves, gifted kids need great advocates.  And parents, grandparents, and other family members are generally their first and most ardent supporters. 

Yet parents often have the same gripes as their children . . . and rightfully so.  Frequently no one explains what it means to be gifted nor what is needed to address differing abilities in the school environment.

SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted) is an organization that can help.   Their mission? To empower families and communities to guide gifted and talented individuals to reach their goals: intellectually, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

Parents that I’ve worked with say our SENG Parent Discussion Groups have been life-savers, addressing the joys and frustrations of raising a gifted child! Discussion topics include motivation, discipline, stress management, and peer relationships.

As one mother put it, “I would strongly recommend this group to any parent. The sharing that took place broadened my concept of how giftedness affects our family relationships.  I found not only support but understanding and a great deal of useful and practical information. The networking and insights from other parents’ experiences was awesome.  Mostly this group has helped me not to feel alone.”

 

During the past several years, WATG has orchestrated SENG Model Parent Group training here in Wisconsin.  You can find a list of facilitators on the SENG website and also through WATG.  Contact them if you'd like to get a group together in your area.

BTW . . . This afternoon I spoke with Rosina Gallagher, SENG past president and IL Assoc for Gifted Children president, and plans are progressing well for this summer's SENG Conference, Shining Light on Giftedness, right here in Wisconsin.  See you there!

Alpha, Beta, Gamma . . .

Yesterday was my mother's 95th birthday.  
In recognition I recited the Greek alphabet.

Why? Because my mom was the quintessential "home educator" who did things like post the alpha - omega series above our breakfast table where I read it daily along with the back of the Post AlphaBits box.

I can't begin to tell you how many times that knowledge has proved valuable.  Plus it piqued my curiosity about language in general, prompting me to study Latin and French and English.  

Thanks, Mom.

Darling little boy

What do parents of gifted kids want?   

The summer before my first son entered kindergarten, I suddenly knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that no school would ever fit the perfect vision of what I wanted for my darling little boy!   Not even the district I’d taught in for 6 years and knew to be highly regarded. 

A wise friend and fellow educator spoke truth to me that I’ll never forget: Consider the school your partner.  Take advantage of everything it offers.  But it is secondary; you are still his primary educator, his advocate for the next 12 years.

 And as both of my kids progressed through the system, what was the main thing I wanted from the school?  To know that their teachers saw them as individuals, recognized their unique abilities (and un-abilities) and were interested in providing engaging, appropriate challenges. 

I have to admit, my thinking wasn’t egalitarian.  The truth is, first and foremost I just wanted to make sure my own kids’ talents were valued and developed.  It turns out of course that our favorite teachers (theirs and mine) were people who celebrated everyone’s talents, loved connecting personally with each of their students, and weren’t intimidated by giftedness or overwhelmed by differing abilities.   I’m happy to say we found a lot of those teachers.

What contributes to teachers’ abilities to know their students well and address this individual need?  In my opinion it’s small class size, looping, advisories, and using the data that schools collect on every child.

The educator who knows his or her students well is one of the important advocates in self-advocacy.

Effects of Legislation

According to NAGCs 2010-2011 State of the Nations report,

• Of the 36 reporting states, 10 provided $0 in state funds to support gifted education in 2010-11; another 4 states spent less than $1 million.
• Only 15 states make a greater investment in gifted students by spending $10 million or more in state funds.
• Since the last State of the States report, 14 states have reduced state funding for gifted education.
• In Wisconsin last year, state funding for GT was $263,500, almost $10,000 less than the year before. The amount for 2011-12 is $237,200.  The funds are disbursed through competitive grants and may only be used for learning opportunities not ordinarily provided in the classroom.   There is no federal funding. 

In Wisconsin this loss combined with the reduction in state aid overall has meant a decrease in staffing and/or staff time devoted to GT.  Some districts have responded by stating that students’ needs for acceleration and enrichment will be met in the regular classroom through differentiated instruction.

While differentiated instruction is a valuable tool in addressing the academic needs of gifted students, it is only effective when teachers are well trained and given time to write differentiated curriculum.  As every teacher knows, differentiating your entire curriculum is a huge, huge job requiring extensive time and effort. 

Many districts have eliminated or significantly reduced funds for professional development and for staff time outside of the classroom to revise curriculum. Remaining funds are frequently reserved for addressing the needs of under-performing students.  Also, the recent collective bargaining legislation assures there are few incentives for teachers to pursue continuing education at their own expense.

Since state law says the school must address the needs of gifted students, parents have a right to know the school's specific plan for providing an appropriate challenge for their child.
 

Parents can ask for that plan in writing and request periodic updates on how the plan is proceeding, as well as assessments that indicate academic growth of their child.  A teacher who uses differentiated instruction will be able to tell parents how concepts, activities, and products have been structured to meet the needs of children of varying abilities, not just for learning styles or interests.

Additionally, the highest ability students need services beyond the regular differentiated classroom.  Schools must identify those students and assure that there is a consistent and systematic plan for appropriately challenging education.

And it should be noted that while intellectual and academic gifts are most often addressed by differentiated instruction, students with three other areas of giftedness (creativity, leadership, and artistic) must also be identified and provided with appropriate programming by each school district. But GT coordinators and teachers are struggling to keep existing programs in place and it's impossible to expand when funds are scarcer and scarcer.

Sorry for this lengthy entry, but there's been a lot of interest in the effects of recent legislation on gifted education in Wisconsin.  As I begin to collect the stories, it's the frustration of educators and parents alike that have driven this response.

Ever the optimist, I still believe that new life and fresh ideas can sprout from the direst of circumstances!

Naive Attempts

Not surprisingly, many gifted teens are uncomfortable asking a teacher for what they need and even less comfortable with their parents advocating for them.  Advice and assistance from mom or dad are often shunned as kids transition into the greater independence of secondary school.  

And their naive attempts at self-advocacy may get them into trouble.  Many a well-meaning but harried teacher has reacted negatively to a whining “This is boring!” piling on more rather than different work.  

Most students must be taught how to speak up appropriately on their own behalf.