Thank You for the Cages

Katie from Tomahawk and 25 of her gifted peers spent a day in January with me focusing on self-advocacy - creating their learner profiles and plotting their unique paths to graduation.  We also took time to vent some frustrations.

Thank you, Katie, for sharing your heartfelt and provocative insights.

Thank You for the Cages.

There was once a time

When there were no cages.

Society said I was too smart,

And led me down a sticky-sweet road

Into gleefully agreeing to be chained

To kids I didn’t know,

Who had already sewn together

Friendships and cliques

And I was an awkward, missing button.

Intelligence.

Thank you for the cage.

It was once wonderful

To be strong and unique,

To live in my own way.

Society injected the wicked serum

Of sameness

Into the students pulsing toward middle school

I was quarantined, and stayed different.

I didn’t want the sameness

Until it was too late.

Once again alone.

Uniqueness.

Thank you for the cage.

I was once free to frolic

To play, and enjoy all things movement.

Society snapped up the kids,

All but me, the odd one out,

And sorted them like packages

Into endless rounds of sports,

Demanding and competitive.

I was thrown into the group

Of the few kids who hadn’t chosen sports

At age seven

Because I simply hadn’t wanted to.

And now it was too late.

Individuality.

Thank you for the cage.

I once felt the joy of difference,

Tasted the nectar of being admired and different.

My un-sameness attracted attention,

Earning me friends and enjoyment.

But my weirdness became repetitive and annoying,

An old sideshow everyone’s already seen

And moved on to the next novelty,

Leaving me alone with my new identity

And no friends.

Small ways to vent my wayward thoughts

Could not replace the companions I thought were mine.

Creativity.

Thank you for the cage.

I had no choice but to be alone.

But I learned to enjoy it.

I soon learned that this was acceptable.

Isolation, any weak ties to others severed,

A lone, roaming island.

I relished my freedom, my flexibility

Which so many others seemed to crave.

I accepted my lone wolf status.

Others did not.

“People are talking behind your back”.

I scraped some adequate social behavior from the bottom

Of a box of nuts and bolts,

People who had been rejected like me,

But not for my reasons,

For I was still a misfit among the forgotten.

I was restricted, and still no happier.

Because there is no one.

Because I was the one who stepped into

The cages I was given

Society, thank you for the cages.

Now I just need the keys

Probably twirling lazily on the finger

Of someone who doesn’t exist,

And not a person in the world

Will help me find it

Because I am

My own person

And all that gets me is a lot of cages.

Introvert or Highly Sensitive?

Here's an interesting article by Leslie Sword, Gifted and Creative Services Australia.

The Gifted Introvert

And it's found on a fascinating website, part of a large group of websites focusing on giftedness, created and edited by Douglas Eby.  
Check out Talent Development Resources.  

So much to read, 
so much to see, 
so much to learn . . . so little time!

Gifted kids . . .

It was a beautiful fall day last week when I visited Green Bay's School for Academically Gifted Learners.  It's housed at Langlade Elementary as a new school-within-a-school.  Their principal, Tammy Van Dyke, is one of WATG's honorees this fall for her work in making this happen.

During the afternoon the students (grades 2-6) became "myth-busters" as they helped me prove that gifted kids are not all alike and that everything is not always easy for them.  At the end of the day they made statements about what they know to be true about themselves and others like them . . . things they think adults should know.  I read their thoughts to parents that evening and have selected a few to share here. 

• Gifted kids can do more than you think. Jess gr. 2
• Gifted kids want to have a chance to show their teachers their abilities. Breanna gr. 4
• Bullies are big problems for us.  Stronger rules/disciple will help us not to be afraid or worried.  Samantha gr. 4
• Gifted kids need to be recognized and not like an old rag that has been used for over 5 years.  They cannot be pushed around like they don't matter.  Kelley gr. 4
• Gifted kids are not geniuses from the start.  In order to grow, they need their individual needs to be met not based on how educated the rest of the class is. Michaela gr. 6
• Gifted kids need: more time to do reading, more gym time, more holidays! Varsitha gr. 4
• Gifted kids want fun with the challenge, not boring. 
• Gifted kids have a imaganashon!
• Gifted kids want to be treated the same as other kids.  Gavin Gr. 3
• Gifted kids aren't perfect, the same, or have the same gift.  We're all different colors on a rainbow.  No one is the same shade. Camryn Gr. 5

And finally, in true Green Bay style . . . 

• In my head, life is a big football game.  I think of the gifted kids as a full time QB. The QBs have to have the right strategy and they will succeed in the game of life. Simon gr. 5

A High School Hint

Often as budgets decrease, class sizes increase.  This is a critical problem for high school teachers who may be instructing 150-200 students a day.  And they are right to be concerned about the amount of time it takes to learn the individual academic needs of each teen.  All the more reason to make the kids part of the solution.

Here's a tip that worked well when I was  a GT coordinator:

1. Secure time during a back-to-school staff meeting to talk about the needs of gifted kids.
2. Acknowledge the difficulty of teaching so many students with diverse needs.
3. Recommend that part of the responsibility lies with the teens themselves.
4. Explain that "outlier" students often need encouragement to talk with teachers about their needs.
5. Hand out copies of Galbraith and Delisle's "10 Tips for Talking to Teachers" (printed on neon paper and laminated, if possible.)
6. Suggest that teachers hang the posters prominently in their rooms and, as part of their opening day class orientation, go over the steps and encourage all students to speak up for themselves . . . appropriately.

  
We never know what gates might be opened when students find their voices!

 

Ten Tips for Talking to Teachers

1. Make an appointment to meet and talk.  This shows the teacher that you're serious and you have some understanding of his or her busy schedule. Tell the teacher about how much time you'll need, be flexible, and don't be late. 
2. If you know other students who feel the way you do, consider approaching the teacher together.  There's strength in numbers.  If a teacher hears the same thing from four or five people, he or she is more likely to do something about it. 
3. Think through what you want to say before you go into your meeting with the teacher.  Write down your questions or concerns.  Make a list of the items you want to cover.  You may even want to copy your list for the teacher so both of you can consult it during your meeting.  (Or consider giving it to the teacher ahead of time.) 
4. Choose your words carefully.  Example:  Instead of saying, "I hate doing reports; they're boring and a waste of time," try, "Is there some other way I could satisfy this requirement?  Could I do a video instead?" Strike the word "boring" from your vocabulary. It's a word that's not helpful for teachers (and it might even make them mad.) 
5. Don't expect the teacher to do all of the work or propose all of the answers.  Be prepared to make suggestions, offer solutions, even recommend resources. The teacher will appreciate that you took the initiative.
6. Be diplomatic, tactful, and respectful.  Teachers have feelings, too.  And they're more likely to be responsive if you remember that the purpose of your meeting is conversation, not confrontation.
7. Focus on what you need, not on what you think the teacher is doing wrong.  The more the teacher learns about you, the more he or she will be able to help. The more defensive the teacher feels, the less he or she will want to help. 
8. Don't forget to listen.  Strange but true, many students need practice in this essential skill.  The purpose of your meeting isn't just to hear yourself talk. 
9. Bring your sense of humor.  Not necessarily the joke-telling sense of humor, but the one that lets you laugh at yourself and your own misunderstandings and mistakes. 
10. If your meeting isn't successful, get help from another adult.  "Successful" doesn't necessarily mean that you emerged victorious.  Even if the teacher denies your request, your meeting can still be judged successful.  If you had a real conversation - if you communicated openly, listened carefully, and respected each other's point of view - then congratulate yourself on a great meeting.  If the air crackled with tension, the meeting fell apart, and you felt disrespected (or acted disrespectful), then it's time to bring in another adult.  Suggestions:  a guidance counselor, the gifted program coordinator, or another teacher you know and trust who seems likely to support you and advocate for you.  Once you've found help, approach your teacher and try again.

Excerpted from The Gifted Kids Survival Guide: A Teen Handbook by Judy Galbraith, M.A., and Jim Delisle, Ph.D. © 1996.   Free Spirit Publishing Inc., Minneapolis, MN.

"Gets Along Well with Peers"

That's a pretty common phrase on assessments of student behavior.  But who exactly are the peers of gifted kids?   They quite naturally have multiple peer groups.  Among others they have age peers and intellectual peers and social peers. It's just part of their asynchronous development.

When my younger son was about 10 years old he developed a passion for the game, Magic: The Gathering, and wanted to hang out at the local card shop, My Parents Basement.  It really was a basement storefront, a few steps down from street level on the main thoroughfare.  And ever-conscientious mom that I was, I told him I'd need to check it out before he could spend his after-school time there. 

I had my doubts . . . classic visions of pool halls and other teen hang-outs in my mind. But the next day when we entered the store together I was greeted with a chorus of "Hey, Mrs. D!"  Almost every face in the room I recognized from my years and years as GT educator and Destination Imagination coach.  Clearly my son's hobby peer group ranged in age from 8 to 38. And on reflection I realized that his community theatre peer group ranged from 8 to 80; running club, 8 to 58. And of course he still loved hanging with his age peers, the kids he'd gone to school with forever.

Around that same time an elementary teacher suggested to me that one of his students not be pulled out for academic enrichment activities until she interacted better with the other pupils in her class.  Her principal agreed that she seemed "anti-social."  Yet I advocated for her inclusion.  I'd seen first hand that she "got along well with her peers."  She had no trouble fitting in perfectly with the other Magic players . . . the huge group of multi-age peers at My Parents Basement.

Can you imagine how we adults would feel if told our peer group could only be those who shared our birth year?

Lessons I Learned from Gifted Kids

What Lucy Taught Me

Many of my first lessons about teaching gifted kids came through my work with Lucy, a brilliant child with talents in many areas, but a true passion for math. For instance, as a 5th grader she answered all the ACT geometry questions correctly because, as she said, "It just makes sense."

We worked hard together over her public school years to make sure she had appropriate challenges, enrichment, and socio-emotional support.  Subject accelerated many times, she took courses at the local college while still in high school and finished her degree at a very prestigious university in record time.  But instead of accepting one of the fellowships or great job offers, she married her college sweetheart and chose to be a stay-at-home mom.

Some might find that disappointing.  I find it refreshing.  She followed her heart, not others' expectations.  She continues to learn, to grapple with ideas, to make the world a better place and to share her brilliance in many ways with those around her.  

I'm reminded of this quote from Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle by Chris Hedges.

“We’ve bought into the idea that education is about training and 'success', defined monetarily, rather than learning to think critically and to challenge. We should not forget that the true purpose of education is to make minds, not careers.” 

NUMATS Conferences

A surprising discovery . . . over half of the middle school students we honored last Saturday do not know if their school districts use their extraordinarily high scores on the ACT and SAT to match them to appropriately challenging academics.  Is it a lack of communication or an indication that educators are not actually using the scores - the whole point of kids taking out of level exams?

And from a self-advocacy standpoint, how can students make informed decisions if we don't give them all the information?

Several years ago I described how my district used the data.  I've excerpted a bit of it here, but the whole article, Post-NUMATS Meetings Build Partnerships, is on the WATG website.  

The needs of our brightest students can be best addressed when families and schools work together.  Thus, when the ACT, SAT and Explore results arrive in spring, it is important for students, parents/guardians, and educators to meet for individual conferences. These meetings can be initiated by anyone: parents, teachers, counselors, gifted education coordinators, or the students themselves as they seek to self-advocate.

Families come to the conference with many questions, of course. What was gained by participating? What do all the scores mean? What does the school plan to do with the data?  What can we do?  What should our child do? What’s next?  Educators can help by listening to concerns, offering suggestions, and providing resources.

During the conference, students can reflect on the testing experience, statistical summaries can be clarified, and appropriate educational options can be discussed.  These conversations help all NUMATS participants, no matter how well they scored, to understand their strengths and take charge of their own education.  

I don't need fixing

One of my former self-advocacy students just posted on Facebook: 
I'm an introvert and I don't need fixing!

You may have seen this, but it's worth repeating . . . 

 

The Top 10 Myths about Introverts

 (clink on the link above to learn how Carl King disproves these myths)

1. Introverts don’t like to talk. 
2. Introverts are shy. 
3. Introverts are rude.
4. Introverts don’t like people. 
5. Introverts don’t like to go out in public. 
6. Introverts always want to be alone. 
7. Introverts are weird. 
8. Introverts are aloof nerds. 
9. Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
10. Introverts can fix themselves and become extroverts. 

Linda Silverman reports that "about 60% of gifted children are introverted compared with 30% of the general population.  Approximately 75% of highly gifted children are introverted."  However introversion "is very likely to be misunderstood and 'corrected' in children by well-meaning adults."

As Carl King writes, "Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves".

Aimless Love

I shared this poem with my young friend, a gifted artist.  His response?  How could Billy Collins know exactly how I feel?  One key to self-advocacy is connecting with others who have similar intensities . . . knowing that you may be an outlier, but you’re not alone out there!  

Aimless Love

This morning as I walked along the lakeshore,
I fell in love with a wren
and later in the day with a mouse
the cat had dropped under the dining room table.

In the shadows of an autumn evening,
I fell for a seamstress
still at her machine in the tailor’s window,
and later for a bowl of broth,
steam rising like smoke from a naval battle.

This is the best kind of love, I thought,
without recompense, without gifts,
or unkind words, without suspicion,
or silence on the telephone.

The love of the chestnut,
the jazz cap and one hand on the wheel.

No lust, no slam of the door –
the love of the miniature orange tree,
the clean white shirt, the hot evening shower,
the highway that cuts across Florida.

No waiting, no huffiness, or rancor –
just a twinge every now and then

for the wren who had built her nest
on a low branch overhanging the water
and for the dead mouse,
still dressed in its light brown suit.

But my heart is always propped up
in a field on its tripod,
ready for the next arrow.

After I carried the mouse by the tail
to a pile of leaves in the woods,
I found myself standing at the bathroom sink
gazing down affectionately at the soap,

so patient and soluble,
so at home in its pale green soap dish.
I could feel myself falling again
as I felt its turning in my wet hands
and caught the scent of lavender and stone.

~ Billy Collins ~

For more on intensities and sensitivities check out Michael Piechowski’s book, 'Mellow Out' They Say. If I Only Could   http://www.mellowout.us/

Egalitarianism?

A response to the misconception that  

“Teaching gifted kids to self-advocate won’t work because we don’t offer that in our school."

If we don't, we must! It needs to be in the toolkit of every one who comes in contact with gifted children.

The best method is direct instruction in self-advocacy because it is the most efficient, effective, systematic, and continuous way to help students take charge of their own education.

 

And better yet . . . providing that instruction to a like-ability group of students assures a common knowledge base, peer networking, and a broader understanding of learner diversity. 

While schools are generally eager to address the needs of other outliers, all too often gifted students do not feel they have permission to ask for what they need. 

As Jim Delisle wrote in Gifted Child Today, 24 (1) 14-15, Winter 2001:

In our rush toward egalitarianism as regards the concept of giftedness, we have lost sight of what should be our primary vision – the gifted child who cries out for attention. 

With our help, the sky is their limit!

Responding to "elitist"

"Teaching gifted kids to self-advocate won’t work because it would be elitist."

How do I respond?

The self-advocacy movement is about people speaking up for themselves. It began as an effort to reduce the isolation of people with disabilities and give them the tools and experience to take greater control over their own lives.  Who would consider that elitist?

And this is exactly what we want for all outliers, including those who are gifted and talented.

Our children are empowered when we help them to recognize their uniqueness – their strengths and weaknesses, their attitudes and interests, their pleasures and passions.

  

     Self-recognition is not to fuel egotism or elitism, but to align with a more powerful, creative part of you that will let your heart, your knowledge, your talent loose on the world.   

Mary Rocamora, founder and director
Rocamora School, Inc.

(BTW, don’t you get tired of charges of elitism from those who don’t understand that the major goal of gifted advocates is to give every student an appropriately challenging education?)

Common Misconceptions

So many times I've heard people say,

“Teaching gifted kids to self-advocate won’t work because . . . “

1. It would be elitist.
2. If we tell them they’re smart, they’ll just get big heads.
3. They’ll ask for something we can’t offer.
4. We don’t have time.
5. School counselors already do it for all kids.
6. If we do something different when one kid asks, we’ll have to do it for everybody.
7. We’ve never done it before.
8. We don’t do that in our district.

 

 

 There are no excuses.

Whether they're children with disabilities or children with exceptional abilities, all outliers have the right to an appropriately challenging education.

We must help each person find the path that is best for him or her.

A Flighty Mind

Fascinating op ed . . . 

The Art of Distraction

by Hanif Kureishi,a playwright, screenwriter, filmmaker, novelist and short-story writer.

I love the concept "drift and dream."

Triage. Who needs it most?

I first heard the term “triage” on TVs Mash in the 1960s.  It’s a process for sorting injured people into groups based on their need for or likely benefit from immediate medical treatment. 

The current RtI (response to intervention) movement in education must include triage for gifted students.  Not because our kids are injured but because they are some of the outliers, in greatest need and most likely to benefit from immediate treatment. 

Wisconsin has been a leader in assuring that giftedness is part of RtI.  You can find more on the DPI website: http://dpi.wi.gov/cal/rti-gifted.html 

Sometimes our brightest kids refuse the panacea we’ve prescribed because the cure-all doesn’t fit their gift.  When kids self-advocate, they let us know exactly where it hurts!